A Feast of Strengths This Season
I wonder what would it be like if, this holiday, along with our turkey, we all sat down to a feast of strengths cooked up by every person around the table?
I had the privilege of attending the International Coach Federation's Annual Conference this Fall in Fort Worth, Texas. This is the third such conference I have attended. At each conference, I feel like a giant sponge just soaking up all the new ideas I experience. I then like to spend the next year digesting all of the material. I have so much fun! Anyway, one of the speakers I heard in Texas was Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener. (See a review of his book "Practicing Positive Psychology Coaching" by Louisa Jewell. This book comes highly recommended to coaches interested in incorporating positive psychology into their practices. It's on my Christmas list!) His presentation was focused on strengths. He called them the "back door" to happiness. Using our strengths is energizing. Happiness is beneficial. It doesn't just feel good. It is good. Happiness leads to desirable outcomes: happy people are more creative, have more friends and have better health.
Biswas-Diener demonstrated his technique for us. He encouraged us to try the exercise with a partner right then and there. We were to share with each other a time when we were at our absolute best. Afterwards, Biswas-Diener pointed out how such a conversation creates a bond between the two people involved. It is intimate and special to hear someone open up (and be vulnerable) and talk of themselves in this way. Biswas-Diener talked about how in coaching we create an artificial environment where it is "ok" to "brag" about our strengths. That idea of creating this artificial environment has stayed with me. Hence my question about a feast of strengths. Why does the environment have to be artificial? Let's make it real!
Here is a way to bring strengths to the table at your holiday feast:
Turn to the person beside you and ask them to tell you a story of when they were at their absolute best. Listen to them attentively. Listen for where they get energized, where they sound proud of themselves. Share what you notice with them. Pick a word that you think describes the strength they were showing in the story and offer it to them. See their reaction. Don't be offended if it's not bang on. Your offering might be enough to help the person see their strength for themselves and share it with you. Have fun! I have a feeling your feast will be extra-delicious this year!
P.S. Here is some more reading about strengths in my friend and colleague Lisa Samson's Nov 30/10 post "CSV vs DSM".
P.P.S. I am "serving up" my strengths here on this website and blog. (In keeping with my desire to be transparent, my signature strengths (derived from the VIA Survey of Character Strengths, a free questionnaire) are: the capacity to love and be loved, curiosity, kindness and generosity, judgment and critical thinking and gratitude. See my second blog post for more info on how to do this for yourself.) Please feel free to take my strengths as you like, with some seasoning (maybe not too large a grain of salt!), hot, cold, lukewarm, in small servings, with ketchup, pickles etc.!
